Ten Things To Take To I-Day

Congratulations to the families of incoming plebes. For those of you wondering what to bring to I-day, I offer the following:

1. Trust.  Trust the Navy to provide for your son or daughter in material goods, spiritual advice and counsel, nutrition, medical care, and education.  Trust in your son or daughter to have the strength to endure and thrive during this "crucible" experience of Plebe Summer.  Trust in yourself and the upbringing you've given your child to get them (and you) through the doubts and dark days, and to help them soar through the heights. During Plebe Summer, your son or daughter will be learning how to trust anew -- to trust themselves, their Detailers, the Navy, and their shipmates with their very lives.

2. Sense of Humor.   Your son or daughter needs to know how to laugh in the face of despair and trials. This will carry them through when others around them are breaking down.  Finding the humor (cynical or otherwise) in a situation is a wonderful defense mechanism, and will help them "preserve their sanity" when being yelled at, disciplined, and worked harder than they can believe.

3. Work Ethic.  The Navy and USNA don't tolerate slackers.   They have a tremendous respect for those who try hard and work hard to achieve.  The mid who works hard and still doesn't achieve the highest grades is respected at least as much (if not more) than the rare ones who "breeze through."  There are a lot of wonderful traditions about "the anchor man" (the midshipman who graduates last in his/her class rank) that bear thinking about.  Unlike civilian schools, those who survive (even at the bottom of their class) will go on to thrive and have successful careers.

4. Adaptability.  No matter what your son or daughter THINKS the Plebe Summer experience will be like, it won't be.  The plebe who comes in thinking they "know the ropes" will have the hardest time, because the point of Plebe Summer is to place you off balance -- to take you totally out of your comfort zone and let you figure out how you, personally, adapt to rapid change and intense challenge.  Adaptability to new ways of thinking, acting, eating, exercising, sleeping, speaking, dressing, etc., will get the plebe through the experience and help them learn the skills they need to be an excellent Naval officer.  As a parent of a midshipman, you will need to develop adaptability, as well -- being where you can receive those phone calls when the Navy decides they can call, emergency trips to the post office to mail that critical care package, communication schedules that are not in your control, and an emotional roller-coaster that will continue all 4 years at USNA.

5. Courage.  It takes immense courage to go through experiences designed to break you down and force you to face your limitations as a person.   Coming out of the experience, plebes will know themselves like few others before them. They will know their fears, their breaking points and their weaknesses.   They will also know where they excel, what surprising things they found exhilarating, and their inner strengths.   Parents, you will need your own special courage when you get those phone calls full of tears and despair, the inevitable "get me out of here" letter, and picture the hard times your child is going through.   But remember item #1 -- trust that they will get through it and be a better person for it.

6. Commitment.  When it's 5 AM, someone's yelling at you about an inch from your face, and you feel utterly exhausted/defeated/scared/angry, it's hard to remember why you decided to go to USNA in the first place.   That's when the commitment kicks in -- remembering why it was important to you to be there, why the job you've chosen to do for the next 9 years is critical to the health/welfare of your community, why the unparalleled education you're getting is critical to your life goals.   Keep those goals firmly fixed in your mind and communicate them to yourself and those you love every chance you get. Parents, support your son or daughter and help them keep their goals -- those end points -- in mind during the dark days.   Help them see how what they're going through is preparing them to reach them.

7. Love.   The love and support of family and friends must always be there for the midshipman. Let them know all the time how much you love and respect them, and support them unconditionally.

8. Supportive Listening.  Give your son/daughter a nonjudgmental ear to vent to, and don't offer solutions or advice unless specifically requested.  Don't take any actions on their behalf unless they ask you to.   This is a time of growth and change for them.  They will need to vent, but they also need to solve their own problems and take responsibility for their own actions.   They also, during Plebe year, need to remain "stealthy" -- and nothing blows that cover like a parent calling the CO to try and fix a problem on their behalf.

9. Honor.  There is no offense as serious at USNA as an Honor offense.   Your son or daughter has been brought up by you with a code of morals and honor.  During the really dark days of Plebe Summer and afterward, during those tough classes, there may be times when they are tempted to "take the easy route" or cut a few corners.   Hopefully, their sense of honor will remind them that the only person you can ever really cheat is yourself -- even if you seem to get away with it, you've lost a little bit of self-respect and whatever knowledge or wisdom the experience would have brought.   Whether it's sneaking in past curfew (yeah, right!) or cheating on an exam, it's just not worth the cost.

10. Respect.  Respect those who have gone before, whether they be flag officers, enlisted, or "just" upper-class.  They have valuable and unique insights to share and wisdom to spread.   They will not always be right, and that, in itself, is a valuable lesson.  The respect to listen with an open mind, and to honor the experiences and viewpoint of the other person is never wasted and adds to your own knowledge and wisdom.   Respect your enemies, as well -- understanding them and what motivates them by listening with an open mind will help you learn how to defeat or defuse them.   Respect those who you outrank -- they are walking a different path, but one that is just as treacherous and just as worthy as yours.   Parents, respect your son or daughter, and recognize that when they walk through those doors on I-day, they are children no longer -- they are adults and USNA midshipmen, ready to defend our country and symbolizing the future of our nation.

I wish all of you fair winds and following seas, and the achievement of your heart's desire.